Jane Austen had once written the profound words in her novel, Northanger Abbey, “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.”

That does sound sweet. Yet, what Austen didn’t quite detail is what happens when we tend to overreach ourselves for friends, because we have no notion of loving people by halves. It’s a painful truth universally acknowledged that most of us tend to lose ourselves trying to ‘be there’ for our friends going through trials and tribulations.Thirty-three year old Carol James, an American expat and a former corporate employee based in Dubai tries to explain what happened when she tried “to be there” for a friend. This friend had gone through multiple personal and professional crisis in her life. For eight years, James had stayed firmly by her side.

Yet, somewhere James feels she lost sight of herself as well as the friendship. “Every day and night, I was listening and talking to her about the same things. She would rage for hours on end. I was constantly reassuring her all the time, through text messages at work, lunches and phone calls. When I was with others, I was messaging her too, because she was always so distraught. She would message, ‘Where are you?’ And I would instantly reply, afraid that I not being there would hurt her. I had no time for anything else,” explains James.